for whatever reason, most of us are trained to hate our ex's - those people we once shared something with (love/sex/other) but now have separated ourselves from. it's not exactly a hard and fast rule, but it seems to help you get over the person faster if you feel only hate for them. years later though, is it easier to remember the hate, or the love? i think that's why we tend to block them out completely, because it's just too confusing. and forget about discussing ex's with your new significant other - bringing up anything other than hate and pity will only get you into trouble.

my memories of my last ex are all over the board. our relationship was filled with drama, passion, exhiliration, and heartache. luckily i can avoid physical reminders of her because we live about 200 miles apart, we don't have any shared friends, and i'm just not in the same place i was then. then last week i came across some pictures of her, a face i hadn't really seen in about 4 years. the picture of her in my head was fuzzier, not so distinct, to the point that i wasn't sure i'd recognize her if i ran into her on the street. now i've been reminded and it's once again clear but confusing. i'm supposed to hate her, according to the official rulebook, but that would be too easy, and trite, and would negate everything else.

don't get me wrong : i don't want her back, don't want to talk to her or see her. but it was a powerful relationship that changed me, and taught me quite a bit. i think every one of our relationships teach us something. the hard part is holding on to that piece years later, not letting the last memories of hate overwhelm.

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