nesting
I've never really been one to do a lot of nesting. That wasn't my role in my marriage. She picked out the house. She made it into a home. I found a way to make it all happen, to make sure we could do it, and get us through to the end.
But now i'm starting to notice some serious nesting impulses in myself. When I was in San Diego, i recognized it, and embraced it. I started out just dreaming of the sort of home i would like to have, then started picking out the perfect this or that to go in the home, and then just openly blabbed about it to whomever would listen. It started with the backyard, where i decided the home would be centered - a nice big pool, a hot tub to relax in, some deck beds to sneak a quick nap on, a fire pit to sit and chat around. There might even be a house in there somewhere as well, but it didn't really make it into the picture yet. Then i started picking out lighting (very important) and comfortable couches for the living area. It's so clear me that i can almost see the floorplan taking shape in my head.
And then i woke up, and had the stark realization that i didn't want to go back to Chico. San Diego is nice and i had a great time, but that wasn't what was making me want to stay... i discovered that i didn't want to go back because i didn't really have much of a home to go back to. I'm staying in the house in Magalia, but in a state of limbo, waiting for it to sell (not much movement there yet). The two weeks before going to San Diego I barely even went up to the house in Magalia, instead working late and sleeping on the futon at the office. I've done a pretty good job of making the space at the Magalia house work for me and the kids, but it's definitely not a home. I guess i didn't understand just how important it is to me to have a nice environment to come home to, for the kids to feel comfortable in, and to relax with friends and family.
The house in Chico that i moved out of, that my ex moved back into, is now trashed. When she moved back into it, about 10 weeks ago, she just scattered stuff hither and dither, rather than bothering to unpack. There's stuff everywhere and it's not getting any better. Her solution? Go buy a new house. It reminds me of a nature video i used to watch as a kid - the male bird gathering materials and working very hard to build a nice nest for his mate, but when he shows it to her, she's displeased and tears it to pieces. That one always made me laugh, in a sick way.
So she's trying to buy a new house, escaping the mess she's created in the old one. I'm sure i'll end up moving back there, spending weeks cleaning it up, turning it back into a home. Sadly, as much as i thought i wanted to live anywhere but there, i kinda miss it. I still don't want to live there very long, but i'm okay with taking my time in finding a new home. It's important that it fits and is warm, and comfortable, and has a place to unwind with friends. A hot tub would be nice too, of course.
,
But now i'm starting to notice some serious nesting impulses in myself. When I was in San Diego, i recognized it, and embraced it. I started out just dreaming of the sort of home i would like to have, then started picking out the perfect this or that to go in the home, and then just openly blabbed about it to whomever would listen. It started with the backyard, where i decided the home would be centered - a nice big pool, a hot tub to relax in, some deck beds to sneak a quick nap on, a fire pit to sit and chat around. There might even be a house in there somewhere as well, but it didn't really make it into the picture yet. Then i started picking out lighting (very important) and comfortable couches for the living area. It's so clear me that i can almost see the floorplan taking shape in my head.And then i woke up, and had the stark realization that i didn't want to go back to Chico. San Diego is nice and i had a great time, but that wasn't what was making me want to stay... i discovered that i didn't want to go back because i didn't really have much of a home to go back to. I'm staying in the house in Magalia, but in a state of limbo, waiting for it to sell (not much movement there yet). The two weeks before going to San Diego I barely even went up to the house in Magalia, instead working late and sleeping on the futon at the office. I've done a pretty good job of making the space at the Magalia house work for me and the kids, but it's definitely not a home. I guess i didn't understand just how important it is to me to have a nice environment to come home to, for the kids to feel comfortable in, and to relax with friends and family.
The house in Chico that i moved out of, that my ex moved back into, is now trashed. When she moved back into it, about 10 weeks ago, she just scattered stuff hither and dither, rather than bothering to unpack. There's stuff everywhere and it's not getting any better. Her solution? Go buy a new house. It reminds me of a nature video i used to watch as a kid - the male bird gathering materials and working very hard to build a nice nest for his mate, but when he shows it to her, she's displeased and tears it to pieces. That one always made me laugh, in a sick way.
So she's trying to buy a new house, escaping the mess she's created in the old one. I'm sure i'll end up moving back there, spending weeks cleaning it up, turning it back into a home. Sadly, as much as i thought i wanted to live anywhere but there, i kinda miss it. I still don't want to live there very long, but i'm okay with taking my time in finding a new home. It's important that it fits and is warm, and comfortable, and has a place to unwind with friends. A hot tub would be nice too, of course.
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posted by joe @ 12:31 AM
1 comments
Ooh, I like your ideas for the dream home...sounds nice! I've been doing the same thing in my head for a while. Some of the features that I've dreamed up so far are: lots of land (acres) so that there are no neighbors within too close proximity, a nice nature/fitness trail through the woods (my dream lot will be mostly wooded, but with a big open sunny clearing for gardening or whatever), and a (possibly indoor) lap pool. Actually, I suppose I'd need two pools, one for lap swimming and another for hanging out around relaxing and socializing. hee. Might as well dream big, right? :D
(P.S. Be looking for an email from me this weekend, 'kay? :)