behind the 8 ball
About a week ago, maybe a little longer, a friend of mine sent me a link to a list that i hadn't really wanted to read : the 8 Stages of Ending a Relationship. I've known about it for a long time, heard about it over the years, and wondered recently where i was at in the process. I think i even mentioned it briefly to my counselor, just curious where she saw me on that continuum. She didn't really say. And i didn't really go searching for the answer. I'm not sure i wanted to know.
The stages that most people know are denial (not just a river, uh huh), anger, and grief. Over the last many months i saw myself going through those phases. I guess i didn't start wondering about the other stages until i was past those. The other stages don't fit so easily into our sitcom plots or pop-culture reference dictionaries. I guess in some ways i was hesitant to really go searching for the list of stages because i knew where it was headed.
It's good to have people that will help you to examine yourself, even if it's reluctantly. thanks again for your imperfectly timed offering.
I think i'm standing between stages six and seven. Denial lasted quite awhile. I realized i'd made it through the anger when i quit listening to my iTunes playlist of the same name. Ditto for the [at my window] sad & lonely playlist. I created many scenarios for how we could work it out, and eventually i came to understand what went wrong. As for not being the same person, i'm not sure if it's a process you go thru (did that) or a realization of what was already there. Worse yet, i realize that she seems more of the same in areas that i didn't like, and less of the same in areas that i miss.
After realizing my new personhood (6), i see the next step on the road ahead : no going back. Just beyond that is peace, which is enticing. In some ways i've already experienced that, but invading my peace is the fear of no going back. You can't really skip that one and expect to live in peace.
This conversation was about work, not love, but it could have been, and i think they both knew it.
,
The stages that most people know are denial (not just a river, uh huh), anger, and grief. Over the last many months i saw myself going through those phases. I guess i didn't start wondering about the other stages until i was past those. The other stages don't fit so easily into our sitcom plots or pop-culture reference dictionaries. I guess in some ways i was hesitant to really go searching for the list of stages because i knew where it was headed.
It's good to have people that will help you to examine yourself, even if it's reluctantly. thanks again for your imperfectly timed offering.
I think i'm standing between stages six and seven. Denial lasted quite awhile. I realized i'd made it through the anger when i quit listening to my iTunes playlist of the same name. Ditto for the [at my window] sad & lonely playlist. I created many scenarios for how we could work it out, and eventually i came to understand what went wrong. As for not being the same person, i'm not sure if it's a process you go thru (did that) or a realization of what was already there. Worse yet, i realize that she seems more of the same in areas that i didn't like, and less of the same in areas that i miss.
After realizing my new personhood (6), i see the next step on the road ahead : no going back. Just beyond that is peace, which is enticing. In some ways i've already experienced that, but invading my peace is the fear of no going back. You can't really skip that one and expect to live in peace.
In this stage, any lingering questions about why the relationship ended are finally extinguished.I guess that's the part i'm afraid of - what if they're not extinguished? what if i end up looking back years later unsure why we split at all? or with some thought that maybe it could have been saved. i do know a few that have ended up that way, and it's a horrible reality.
womanHow do you know the difference between when you're burned out, and just completely done?
(over dinner, while kids play nearby)
manI guess you keep at it for awhile and hope things get better. And if you do that for awhile and they don't, then you're just done.
This conversation was about work, not love, but it could have been, and i think they both knew it.
,
posted by joe @ 11:17 PM
1 comments
wow that hits it on a nail...
"How do you know the difference between when you're burned out, and just completely done?"
I am not sure I can figure the difference out... not sure how long I can keep at it.
Great post.