I think i'm gonna call in sick today. I really don't feel well at all. But "call in" to whom? I'm here at home, in my office; the only boss i have right now is me. So i think i've been sitting here in front of the computer for 2 hours trying to convince myself that it's okay to just be sick today, that i don't have much work in me. and that's okay. we all have off days. I think i've worked it out by telling myself that i'll do just a little bit and then maybe continue more this evening.

But what's wrong with me, really? Hard to put my finger on. I'm groggy, even after the third cup of mediocre coffee. I'm not hungry even though i haven't eaten much in the last 2 days. I just don't feel very well, just out of it. So ya, it's depression. It's a down outlook on life in general. Two days ago i was doing fine, and then i began to notice my own loneliness and difficulty in coping with it. Then it started raining. And then i put myself a little further out there... a little unconditional love for someone that obviously doesn't believe in the stuff. it was against my better judgement, against all advice. and it stings. the hopeless romantic, once again left hopeless.

and so it goes, once again. some day i'll learn. until then, i'll be on the couch watching Desperate Housewives, staying in to watch the rain.

what do you do? you laugh, you know.
i'm not saying i don't cry. but in between, i laugh.
i realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously.
plus, i look forward to a good cry. feels pretty good.
--Sam (Natalie Portman) in Garden State

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