still lifting my feet
last week, driving back from Berkeley by myself, after 3 in the morning, down some country roads, i saw a shooting star. this happens alot on late night drives. the difference this time was that i didn't make a wish. i couldn't. i wouldn't. i don't really understand it, or want to go deep enough to get at the truth. i thought about it, mind spinning like a roulette wheel for a minute, just hoping to land on something since i didn't have anything right at the front of my thoughts. But i did, i just didn't want it to land there. I couldn't make that wish.
i still lifted my feet when i went over the railroad tracks that night, so all is not lost.
i always wish on stars. every time. it still bothers me that i let that one fade out and didn't have a wish. i don't really want to "be careful what i wish for...." i just want to have my wish, live in hopeless abandon. though i know i can't.
i'm exhausted this week, dozing off at the end of the day even as i try to stay awake a little longer. tired, but happy. i rode my new bike down to see a movie, got a burrito afterwards and ate it by 1 Mile while watching kids play in the water. I'd forgotten about the game Sharks & Minnows. I don't even really remember the rules, but i think i liked it as a kid. I'll have to lookup the rules so i can pass it down to my own kids.
My rational mind and my romantic inclinations have been having a field day the last few weeks, not so much battling for control as trying to assert their influence. I'm a lover of both sides. I don't really think either should be fully in charge.
...balance....
It all goes back to balance, just like my old friend John used to say. I hate that he's right about that. It makes me think i should have listened to more of the things he tried to tell me. I listened, but i was too young. But his opinions on balance he espoused quite often.
posted by joe @ 1:03 AM
1 comments
i was just laying here, all lazy on a breezy sunday afternoon, stopping by all of my usual internet stops (it only takes about four minutes, tops) and rereading this entry.
i noticed something.
"hopeless abandon."
and i thought to myself, "why not hopeFUL abandon??"
- anonymous because i don't know who reads your shit, but i'm pretty sure i don't want them reading mine, whoever they are.